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Abundant Mind #015

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Read Time: 7 minutes

Hey bud,

Have you ever felt limited in what you feel you can do or have?

You try to dream big but when the thought of you living that life appears in your mind, you suddenly shut yourself down and tell yourself things like:

“Oh that’s impossible for me.”

“Yeah right, like that’s going to happen.”

“That life is for other people with X or Y advantages, not for people like me.”

You end up feeling like you don’t deserve the life that you desire.

If you resonate with these statements above, you may be experiencing feelings of unworthiness.

The biggest barrier to you getting whatever it is that you want in this life is the idea that you don’t deserve it.

In this week’s newsletter, I’ll be sharing ideas on where unworthiness comes from, the difference between worthiness and entitlement, and how you can cultivate your self-worth.

By doing so, it will help you start believing in yourself more, become more confident in taking action, and develop a deeper appreciation of yourself and your capabilities.

Let’s get into it.

How unworthiness forms

All of us were born with an innate sense of worthiness. This is a fact.

As babies, we knew that we deserve to be fed, cuddled, and cared for.

And all our needs were provided for freely, no questions asked.

But maybe somewhere along the line in early childhood, some of the things that you wanted or you feel you needed, were not anymore given to you as freely.

Parents do this for fear that their children will grow up entitled if they give them everything that they ask for at the drop of a hat.

You may have heard something related to this phrase growing up: “No, you don’t deserve that.”

I remember a story from my childhood that nowadays my mother and I just laugh about.

I was about 3 years old and we were walking through a mall.

As we were walking, I saw a balloon that I wanted to have.

I tugged my mom’s arm, looked up at her with sincere eyes while pointing at the red piece of plastic filled with air, and pleadingly said: “Balloon!”

She knew I wanted her to get the balloon for me, but she was in a bit of a rush so she said “No, we don’t have time.” and we kept walking.

I was upset. I threw a tantrum, lied down in the middle of the mall, crying, and shouted “Balloon! Balloon! Balloon!” — to her shock.

She didn’t give in. She said “Ay! Bahala ka diyan!” (“Ah, do what you want then!”) and started walking away from me.

When I saw she was leaving, I immediately stopped my tantrum, stood up, wiped my tears, and started following her.

The fear of being left alone was probably greater than my desire to have the balloon.

I don’t think I ever threw a tantrum again after that, at least according to my mom and my dad.

Looking back, I see that as a funny story on one of the many ways my mom reared her kids not to grow up entitled.

And I’m happy that she did. I could only imagine my level of entitlement had I been given whatever I wanted whenever I would throw a tantrum.

I would have learned that for me to get what I want, I need to throw tantrums and essentially (excuse my French) — be a dick to others.

And I wouldn’t want MY future kids to behave that way either.

Subconsciously, however, the message I got from that is:

“You don’t deserve everything what you want.” 

And when we get the impression that we don’t deserve what our parents used to give to provide for us so freely (attention, affection, wants), we subconsciously draw this conclucion:

“I must have done something wrong to deserve this.”

Or worse

“Something must be wrong with me.”

Most of us in childhood are led to believe that in order for us to be loved we must be good.

And so when we don’t feel love from our parents, or don’t get what we want in those early years we subconsciously think, “I must be bad.”

There is also a message many kids receive that: “children that are bad do not deserve good things.”

- Teal Swan 

And so, unworthiness forms and remains within us well into our adulthood, unless released.

Defining What Worthiness Is, and What It’s Not

- Aida Gooden

Worthiness then is that feeling of “I deserve” (Not to be confused with entitlement).

Entitlement is expecting something, believing that thing is already yours, and being angry or frustrated if you don’t get it.

When you adopt an entitled mindset, you feel as if something is being taken away from you if you don’t get what you are expecting. You are then adopting the energy of lack rather than abundance.

Worthiness on the other hand is a deep internal knowing that you are deserving of what you want, and what you need. It’s all about believing in yourself, encouraging yourself, and being humble — free from pride and arrogance.

When you adopt a mindset coming from worthiness, you have a healthy self-image and concept of self.

One is focused on external unhealthy expectations of people and circumstances, while the other is focused on an internal healthy belief in oneself.

One comes from insecurity and arrogance, while the other comes from self-love and self-assurance.

How to Cultivate Worthiness

In this section, I’ll be sharing with you 3 ideas on how you can build this character trait of worthiness.

1. Self-Forgiveness

When you hold on to the mistakes of your past, you are subconsciously telling yourself: “I am a bad person.”

If you hold on to this belief, you won’t feel like you deserve good things in this life.

You must release yourself from this limiting belief by forgiving yourself for the mistakes you’ve made.

Forgiving yourself will not undo what has been done, but beating yourself up in the present moment is not helping you become a better person either.

As within, so without.

However you are with yourself is how you will be to other people.

If you are being hard on you, you will have a tendency to be hard on others as well.

Self-forgiveness can be a simple process of sitting in a quiet place, recalling the mistake that you made, feeling the uncomfortable emotions that come with it, and telling yourself out loud: “I forgive you.”

Do this as many times as necessary.

2. Self-Acceptance

Let go of the thoughts of how you think you should feel, look, and be different than you are now.

Focus instead on the things that you like about yourself.

Start appreciating who you are now because what you appreciate, appreciates.

Growing up, you may have heard these words whenever you would make a mistake: “What is wrong with you?” 

It’s time to disassociate from that line of thinking and to start telling yourself:

“I love and accept myself as I am now, and I’m excited for my growth into who I can become later.”

You are worthy, just the way you are.

3. Be there for yourself

Many of us tend to abandon ourselves when life gets tough.

When things aren’t going our way, we may engage in self-critisism, or negative self talk.

It doesn’t help you in any way to do that and you just stay in that negative space longer.

If you experience this, be aware of that tendency so that you can catch yourself.

Start encouraging yourself and believing in yourself.

Be your number 1 cheerleader because the person you spend the most time with, is you.

It’s worth it to build an encouraging and supportive relationship with that person.

In Conclusion

Unworthiness is a learned behavior.

Any learned behavior can be unlearned through repetition and time.

You were born with an innate sense of worthiness.

It is your birthright to experience unconditional love and worthiness.

If you have convinced yourself to believe that there is something wrong with you, it’s time to let go of that notion.

There is nothing wrong with you.

And you can have the belief and knowing that nothing is wrong with you, while journeying to improve yourself to be a better person.

These two things can exist at the same time. They are not opposing ideas.

And once you’re able to fully cultivate worthiness, the world starts to open up for you and you experience life for what it’s truly meant to be — beautiful, joyful, and fulfilling.

And always remember, that you deserve that.

Talk soon,

Zach

P.S. Whenever you are ready, there are 2 ways that I can be of help to you:

1. Follow me on Instagram here if you want a source of bite-sized ideas and content that can help you reflect on your situation and help you reach your next level.

2. Book a discovery call for one-on-one coaching here if you are currently looking to create solutions to a problem or challenge in your life but you seem to be stuck.