Abundant Mind #017

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Read Time: 5 minutes

Hey bud,

Have you ever felt inadequate or that you don’t deserve the love or appreciation you are receiving?

Have you ever felt like you’re being taken advantage of by friends, colleagues, or even family because you can’t assert your needs, opinions, and boundaries?

These may be indicators that you are challenged by low self-esteem.

I’ve personally been there before and this next sentence is to give a reality check.

If you are struggling with low self-esteem, you have an ego problem.

(As I say that to you, I also say it to myself)

And you might be wondering, “How is it that someone with low self-esteem has an ego problem?”

We think of people that have ego problems as those that boast too much about themselves and think that they are the best at whatever it is they are peacocking about.

We don’t really associate those with low-self esteem as people that have an ego problem.

In this letter, we will explore the correlation between the ego and low self-esteem, and how we can build up our self-esteem to result in increased self-confidence, better relationships, and a better experience of achieving meaningful goals.

Ego and Self-Esteem

The reality of the ego is that it actually pushes us to extreme perspectives.

It either tells you that you are the best of all time (which is what we mostly associate ego with), or it tells you that you are the worst of all time.

It either tells you: “My life is the greatest!” Or it tells you “My life is the worst.. far far worse than anyone else.”

This is why we have to keep our egos in check if we want a balanced experience of our lives.

And again, if you are struggling with low self-esteem, you have an ego problem.

It’s possible that your ego is telling you that you are the worst in the world and you can’t keep that ego in check — you can’t enforce healthy boundaries with it.

Why Build Self-Esteem

Here’s something to think about:

If you can’t even set boundaries with your own mind, how can you set boundaries with other people?

This is where a host of problems can arise: from lack of self-worth and feeling inadequate, accepting toxic and unhealthy relationships, to even lack of assertiveness in communicating your needs, opinions, and boundaries with others.

When you are able to increase your self-esteem, you increase your self-confidence as a side effect.

You will have greater confidence in your abilities and your potential.

As a bonus, you will feel comfortable in your own skin and be true to yourself — unbothered by the need to seek validation from others.

You will also become more assertive.

If you have a high level of self-esteem you are able to maintain healthy relationships with others because you emotionally know the value of setting boundaries, and communicating your needs to others in your personal and professional life.

Finally, higher self-esteem fuels your ambition and persistence. You are more likely to set and achieve meaningful goals in all areas of your life.

How to Build Up Your Self-Esteem

Step 1: Practice Self-Awareness.

Be honest with how you actually are. You may not be the best in the world, but you are not the worst in the world either.

Take personal account of what’s great about you, what’s average about you, and what’s not so great about you.

For a moment see yourself from a realistic perspective. Not optimistic, nor pessimistic. Realistic.

Put the ego aside for just a moment.

By doing this you are able to see yourself just as you are — not the embellished version nor the disfigured version that your ego can make you out to be.

Step 2: Challenge The Negative Self-Talk

Question the mental obstacles that your mind can place on your growth.

If you notice that you say “I’m not good enough” to yourself, recognize your past accomplishments (no matter how big or small) and strengths. Embrace self-compassion as well.

If you notice that you say “It’s selfish or narcissistic for me to work on my self-esteem.” Know that it may be “selfish” in the short term, but in the long term, others will also benefit from your growth.

You will create many win-win situations for yourself and others when you work on your self-esteem.

If you notice that you ask yourself: “What will others think of me?” Then know that your worth is not determined by other people’s opinions of you.

As a metaphor, if you take a $100 bill, and you crumple it or step on it, it will still be worth $100. It didn’t lose value.

Step 3: Set Realistic Short Term Goals.

This is the last step I will share in this letter.

Be unrealistic with long term goals (10 years from now), but if you’re working on overcoming low self-esteem, it will do you more good to focus on realistic short-term goals for now (1-3 months from now) and celebrating your progress as you go along.

(If you have high levels of self-esteem and self-confidence already, this advice may not apply to you. Shoot for the stars as much as you want, bud.)

People tend to overestimate what they can accomplish in 1 year, but underestimate what they can accomplish in 10 years.

In Conclusion

As I’m writing this letter to you, my readers, I’m writing it to my teenage self as well.

Growing up I had very low self-esteem. I didn’t believe in myself, I lived by how I thought other people wanted to perceive me, and I craved validation from others (to an extent, I still do until this day — I’m still on the journey).

As a result, I was easily picked on and made fun of, and I was bullied as well.

So, there were times that I would overcompensate for my insecurities by acting arrogant or obnoxious. And that was just unhealthy for everyone around me, including myself.

So to you, my younger self, I say this:

The journey of building your self-esteem is a journey of self-discovery.

When you learn more about yourself, you slowly build your self-esteem. And you learn most about yourself when you help others. 

Build yourself up, grow yourself, be “selfish” in the short term, because in the long term you are doing this to help more and more people on this earth.

Gandhi said something along these lines: You find yourself when you lose yourself in the service of others.

And when you focus on just serving others rather than what you’ll get in return, the ego steps back.

Then you start to live a worthwhile life.

And always remember, that you deserve that.

Talk soon,

Zach

P.S. Whenever you are ready, there are 2 ways that I can be of help to you:

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